i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
