considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
