hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
