Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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