what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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