forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
