Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
