Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But theres a keg here and me gusta
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
