VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
