All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
