i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
