Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
