My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
