Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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