Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
