Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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