They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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