the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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