I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
