just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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