Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
