woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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