i may or may not be watching the land before time
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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