I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
how drunk are you?
Several
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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