So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
