How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am never drinking with the goths again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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