whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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