Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
