He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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