if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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