I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
