your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
