champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize