Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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