from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
