I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
