I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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