Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
