Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
