You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
