i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
