Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
