During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize