dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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