Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
