If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
