I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
