Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
