Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
