This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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