I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
