its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
