She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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