i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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