Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
