i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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