I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
