i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
