Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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