I'm so fucking centered right now
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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