i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
