I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
