cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
