My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
