Where is the hickey?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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