Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize