p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
