Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Say something about gay babies.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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