Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
