I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
nutella sex= disaster
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
