Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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