I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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