New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
True college students do jello shots in the library
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
