i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
