youre lurking in front of me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
