I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
