May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
