It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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