sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
