my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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