This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
