You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
