Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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