I didn't shave. On purpose
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
