to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
