I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
