Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
