I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
