Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize