even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
