I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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