I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
be right there i have to get my cape
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
