I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
